i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
