and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
