I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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