Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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