She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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