yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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