Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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