if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
