Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
