i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
