your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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