The maid of honor just puked.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
