Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
