I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
