I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
