it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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