I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
