I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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