Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
