On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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