p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
