one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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