There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
