he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
