you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
