Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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