i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
