trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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