She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
