saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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