I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
