Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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