Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
