What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
