I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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