I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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