I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
