That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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