Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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