fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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