I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tonight lets celebrate not being married
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize