You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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