i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
