I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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