took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
