just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
