I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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