if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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