i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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