yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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