i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
