I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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