I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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