So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
