there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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