Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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