Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
