If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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