I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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