oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
