Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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