oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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