If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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