when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
