walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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