dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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