6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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