Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
