Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A+ Viking dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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