you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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