its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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