Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
