things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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