Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
