You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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