your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
